Prompts Prompting Plotlessness
by T'Key'la
Summary: kaige68 posted a list of prompts on the LJ community 1 million words. She gives 3 prompts for each letter of the alphabet. Each of mine is exactly 500 words. Implied Steve/Danny. Much silliness! Some misuse of language for the greater good.
1. Aliens, Alliteration, Aquaman

Title: Aliens, Alliteration, Aquaman

Summary: lj user=kaige68 posted a list of prompts for lj user=1_million_words at this post. So I used the A prompts to write this silliness.

"I know aliens did _not _just land on Oahu," Danny said to Chin. "Is this some haole hazing ritual that was dreamed up to make me feel less like I belong here?"

"Brah," Chin said.

"I don't know what that means. Does it mean _yes they are here? No they are not here? You have no idea how these islands work because this isn't New Jersey?"_

"Brah," Kono added as she emerged from her office, all long lines of tanned skin.

"Please. Please in the name of all that is holy, explain to me what is going on," Danny demanded, his hands conducting a silent symphony of mainlander outrage.

"Calm down," Steve said, entering the main office. "It happens all the time."

"_It happens all the time_," Danny repeated, staring at Steve as though _he_ was one of the purported aliens. Which he knew he wasn't, as they spent all of their free time together, much of it naked. If Steve were an alien, Danny was confident he'd have figured it out.

"Hickman is the real Area 51," Chin finally told Danny. "We keep it quiet. The aliens are curious and would never hurt any of us."

"They might hurt Danny," Kono said with a laugh. "They think our Human language is ridiculous. You'd make their ears bleed."

"Nice," Danny said, looking over at Steve. "Did you think to tell me? About _aliens_ visiting Oahu?"

"You wouldn't have believed me. Do you want to go meet them?" Steve asked. He was smiling down at Danny, clearly delighted at the prospect of introducing Danny to the aliens and visa versa. "We're all going."

"If you're going, I will," Danny said with a sigh. "What do I need to do? Are there vaccines required?"

"Vaccines," Chin repeated, making Danny frown at him.

"They speak in alliterations. Can you do that?" Kono asked as they left the offices to go to their cars.

"Alliterations? They speak in alliterations?" Danny repeated. Could this day get any weirder?

"Alliteration's artful and awesome," Kono confirmed.

"Beneficial beyond belief between brotherhoods," Chin chortled.

"Confounding conventional conversation constructs can confuse cantankerous cops," Steve said, deepening Danny's dissatisfaction.

"Attention, Aquaman. All activities among adults adjust accordingly. Boisterously bashing boyfriends banishes bed based busy-ness. Calm consideration creates caring connections causing culminating contentment. Don't doubt Danno's determined demonstration demanded during détente."

"Excellent exhibition," Steve said. "Fornication forecasted for Friday. Glad Governor granted get-away."

"Hey," Kono countered. "Hearing how horny haoles happily habitat harms humble heroines. Innocent islander isn't interested in intercourse involving intimate interactions. Just journey jauntily, jumping junk judiciously."

"Kono Kalakaua," Chin chimed in. "Let lovers lead lives less lonely. Must maintain maturity meantime."

"Okay. Okay," Danny said, raising his hands supplication. "My head already hurts. We'll resume when we have no choice."

"Copy that," Steve agreed, climbing into the driver's side of the Camaro and grinning over at Danny.

"What? What's with the goofy smile?" Danny demanded.

"Reward for good behavior forthcoming," Steve promised, making Danny smile in return.


	2. Bacon, Binary code, Bunnies

"Well," Danny said as Steve drove away from Hickman. "That was…interesting."

"Yeah. I guess I should have warned you that they look like Mr. Hoppy," Steve admitted.

"And they mostly eat bacon," Danny said in a considering tone. "Bacon."

"And broccoli. I've seen them eat bananas, barnacles, butter, beans, butter beans, and baklava. And one time a balloon. But that was a mistake."

"And barnacles isn't a mistake?" Danny asked.

"Alien bunnies are very handy for cleaning the ships. One of the reasons Hickman likes having them come. They travel over to Pearl and eat the barnacles off."

"Of course they do," Danny said. "Is there a chance Mr. Hoppy is actually an alien?" Danny waited but got no response. He looked over at Steve who was staring out the windshield with way too much concentration. "Please tell me Step-Stan did not give my daughter a bunny that is actually an alien."

"Have you ever spoken to him in alliterations?" Steve asked, pretending to be casual about it.

"Why would I? I'm as likely to talk to him in alliterations as I am in binary code. '0110011110011' – what sense does that make?"

"Actually, you just told me you want to have my babies," Steve informed him with a smile.

"Well – I would if I could. But that's not the point. Drive us to Step-Stan's."

"You sure you want to know?" Steve asked him, making the next left to take them to the pretentious neighborhood of pretentiousness.

"I _need_ to know if my baby is cuddling up with an alien instead of a bunny," Danny sighed.

"He would never hurt her," Steve assured him.

"Hey Monkey… I'm very good. Uncle Steve and I are coming over. We want to visit with you and Mr. Hoppy…okay. See you shortly."

"What'd she say?"

"Nothing much. You know," Danny said.

"Yeah," Steve agreed, pulling into the driveway as Danny got out to catch Grace when she hurled herself at him.

"Why do you want to see Mr. Hoppy?" Grace asked.

"Uhmm…" Danny said, looking over at Steve for an explanation.

"We've heard there is a bunny fever going around," Steve lied smoothly. "We want to make sure he doesn't have it."

"Oookkayy," Grace said, skepticism painted on her face. They all rounded the house to stop by Mr. Hoppy's cage. "Danno detoured. Steve said some suffer sickness."

Steve and Danny exchanged a glance as Mr. Hoppy looked up at them with all-knowing eyes.

"Uncle used untruth, understandably. Danno doesn't desire dangerous domesticated denizens damaging darling daughter," Mr. Hoppy said.

"Aliens aren't about altercations," Grace informed them.

"Fathers fear forever. He hasn't had hands-on harmony happening hourly," Mr. Hoppy explained.

"Monkey might move Mister? My modest _milieu _may minimize melancholy," Steve suggested.

"Bonus bacon being benefit?" Mr. Hoppy asked hopefully.

"Absolutely," Steve agreed. "Rachel reconcile relocation?"

"Rachel regrets residence regarding rabbits," Mr. Hoppy told them sadly.

"Done," Danny decided. "Hoppy, home has happiness heartily."

"Appreciation abounds," Mr. Hoppy agreed.


	3. Cake Pans, Caps Lock, Communists

"So," Danny said, looking out Steve's kitchen window to watch Grace play with Mr. Hoppy. "He seems to have settled in."

"Do you still have reservations about him being an alien?" Steve asked, checking the cake he was baking.

"Except for the talking, he seems like a regular bunny. And he obviously enjoys being here," Danny said.

"Yes he does," Steve agreed. "Just like you and Grace do."

"Can't argue with that," Danny said as he watched Steve slide the two cake pans back into the oven. They were still slightly jiggly in the middle which meant they had at least five more minutes to bake. He didn't quite know what the occasion was, but if Steve was making his special pineapple cake, Danny sure wasn't going to question his luck.

"Then why don't you move in with me?" Steve asked, not pausing in washing up the dishes.

"I'm sorry. Did you just ask me to move in with you?" Danny wanted to laugh, mostly in pure delight but didn't want Steve to possibly misinterpret. Nor did he want to acknowledge that he felt like giggling …well, like Grace.

"MOVE IN WITH ME," Steve repeated, overly exaggerating each word.

Danny could hear the caps lock at work and had to laugh. "Are you bribing me with cake?"

"Nope. It's for Grace," Steve lied, turning from the sink to lean down for a kiss. "So. Will you?"

"Ask Grace," Danny said with a smile. "If she's good with having to come here every time it's our weekend, I'm good with it. Although I'm pretty sure between you, the ocean, and Mr. Hoppy, you won't have any problem persuading her."

"Done," Steve agreed. He dried his hands and went outside, Danny lingering in the doorway with a goofy smile on his face. Again with the internal giggling, watching his two favorite people in the entire universe.

"Hey Happy, Hoppy," he hailed.

"Steve," Grace greeted gladly. "Hoppy has happily habitated here."

"Thousand thanks," Rabbit replied.

"Thanks truly thoughtful," Steve said. "Gracie, gave golden, grouchy, good guy gracious gateway. Said situation suitable, should Sunshine say same."

"Same, same, same," Grace giggled. "Why would we want whereabouts without widespread water? Apartments aren't always appropriate."

"Monkey makes magnificent mention," Danny decided. "Plus presence prevents perseverations pertaining potential problems primarily precipitated prior proper pondering."

"Huh," Steve said, seemingly sensibly. "Response requires rigorous research. Coincidentally, cake counter concludes currently. Time to taste treats, to talk transitions, tackle tasks."

"Yay," Grace cheered, scooping up Mr. Hoppy. "Purple paint plus plump pillows promised!"

"Purple paint promised?" Danny demanded, darling daughter disappearing. "Conspiracies conspicuous, Communist."

"Communist?" Steve laughed. "How does it make me a Communist to make sure your daughter is on board with living here?"

"I have no idea," Danny admitted, reaching up for a kiss. "I just figured you'd be all insulted by it."

"Next time, I promise," Steve promised, patting Danny's very fine backside as he proceeded him into the house that would very soon be their _home_.


	4. Dandie Dinmont Terrier, Dental, Dialog

"I'm really sorry about your jaw. I tried to stop you before the scum bag _du jour_ could hit you with that brick. But do you ever listen to me? No you do not. And what was the result this time, Steven? Possibly a broken jaw."

"ah hafe oo."

"You do not hate me. It is not my fault your mouth is wired shut. Anyway, the dentist said it's only for a couple of days. Until the swelling goes down and they can access the extent of the damage. Which you would know if you weren't high as a kite on the good stuff."

"stll hafe oo."

"Stop. You don't hate me. How much worse would it be if I wasn't able to drive you home and take care of you while you wait to see just how much dental work is required? Plus I can kiss your boo-boos and make them feel better. You'll drink some pineapple juice with Vicodin crushed up in it, I'll strip you naked, and have my way with you while you are zoned out."

"hafe ooo sooo mush."

"I'm propositioning you and your response is that you hate me? I don't even understand that. You wait right here while I pick up you prescriptions. Don't move. Promise me."

"pomise."

"Okay. I won't be long. Do you want anything while I'm inside?"

"ananas, pple ouice, epermen addies."

"Bananas, apple juice, and Peppermint Paddies. Got it. Be back in a flash."

"hafe ooo."

"You can keep saying that but it won't change anything. We'll be home in just a minute and you can take the Vicodin."

"uhn."

"Did I tell you that Rachel has decided she wants a dog? Now that Mr. Hoppy is living with us, she's all about getting this Dandie Dinmont Terrier. I don't even know. But if it makes her happy and Stan's okay with it, what do I care? Grace is kind of indifferent about it."

"ot cited?"

"No, Grace isn't excited. I think she's afraid Beauregard will be ignored once Rachel has a designer dog in the house. I'm worried it will turn out to be an alien like Mr. Hoppy."

"ot ogs. ust unnies."

"Sure, you say not dogs, just bunnies. But you were the one who didn't tell me Grace was cuddling an alien. Don't think I've forgotten that for one minute. Hey hey. Let me help you. You are still high from the meds. You can accept a little help to get to the house."

"ot a id."

"I know you aren't a kid, Steven. You also aren't Superman, able to cross the yard while high on pain killers. You are the most stubborn bastard I have ever met. I swear to God I don't know why I ever thought it was a good idea to get involved with you. I should have shot you that first day in the garage."

"oo ove me."

"God help me, I do. I do love you. Now go to sleep."


	5. Elephants, Euphemisms, Extra Cheese

"You're telling me there are _elephants_ running wild on Hickman Air Force Base? This is what you are telling me?" Danny asked as he looked up at Steve who was standing on the opposite of his desk. "Elephants."

"Yes, Danno. Elephants."

"This isn't a euphemism for some super triple top secret SEAL secret, right?" Danny demanded.

"Secret SEAL secret?" Steve laughed.

"Don't even start with me," Danny warned. "You come in here and tell me there are elephants running wild on the base and we have to go help corral them. Then you make fun of me for requesting clarification."

"Not clarification so much as elucidation," Steve told him, still laughing.

"I hate you so much. You are never having sex again."

"Yes I am. Maybe not with you but I will have it again," Steve replied as he left Danny's office.

"Oh no. No you are not. You are not having sex with anyone who isn't me," Danny warned, following him into the main office.

"Stop discussing your love life," Chin requested, getting an elbow in the ribs from Kono.

"Shhh… I want details," Kono said, far too happily.

"That is wrong in every way," Danny told her.

"Stop bitching about it, Danno. Come help us and I'll buy you a pizza. Extra cheese," Steve promised.

"And beer. Extra beer?" Danny bargained.

"Of course. I'll even take you to your favorite _haole_ pizza place. Since it's Thursday, the Elvis impersonator will be performing. I know how much you enjoy his rendition of _Blue Hawaii."_

"He's got some skills," Danny agreed, frowning when the cousins laughed at him. "You just don't appreciate good singing."

"We do. But that doesn't qualify," Kono informed him.

"Hrmph," Danny said.

"Smooth," Steve said. "Do you have the Easter eggs?"

"They're almost done," Chin said.

"Easter eggs? Is _that_ a euphemism?" Danny demanded.

"No, Danno. The elephants like brightly colored eggs. We use them as bait," Steve explained patiently.

"Oh. My. God. Have I fallen into another dimension?" Danny asked with an overly dramatic swoon into one of their ergonomic chairs. "First there are alien bunnies who speak in alliterations. Now you're telling me we have to use Easter eggs as bait for elephants run amuck. On an Air Force base."

"We have to catch them," Chin explained. "Otherwise they will wander onto the runways and can be killed by the fighter planes."

"My money is on the fighter planes," Danny said, looking up at Chin.

"Not when the elephants are only the size of Mr. Hoppy," Kono said, her laugh dimpling her cheeks.

"So not standard size elephants then," Danny said.

"Don't be ridiculous," Steve said as he returned from the break room with two dozen garishly colored eggs. "Why would there be _standard_ size elephants on an Air Force base?"

"You're kidding me with this, right?" Danny asked. "Right? Please. Tell me you're kidding."

"Nope," Steve said, knowing Danny would follow as he went outside to enter the Camaro to go to Hickman.


	6. Fountains, Facetiousness, French Canadia

"My life was so much simpler before I met you," Danny said as they left Hickman. "I swear to God. You are going to be the death of me yet."

"Maybe," Steve said with a goofy grin. "But you can be sure you'll enjoy it."

"No. No I will not. I just spent three hours trying to herd bunny-sized elephants into their crates. I have been subjected to fountains of water from their tiny trunks, piles of jelly bean sized elephant poop, and endless insults from those French Canadians who are to blame for the elephants being let loose in the first place. How am I enjoying any of this?"

Steve just continued to smile at him.

"Stop. Stop with the goofy smiling. You are as wet as I am."

"Yes, but I'm not nearly so wrapped up in personal fastidiousness," Steve told him.

"Fastidiousness. Fastidiousness," Danny said, tasting the word and not finding it to his liking.

"Stop repeating it. You know it's true. I don't care that the elephants got us wet or that we inadvertently stepped in their tiny poop. Whatever," Steve said with a casual wave of his hand.

"I know you do not care, Steven. You have been known to sleep buried up to your very fine eyelashes in poop. But not all of us have been so lucky," Danny reminded him.

"It's not like I enjoyed it, Danno," Steve said. "I had to hide from their sniffer jaguars."

"Sniffer jaguars," Danny said. "You are something special, babe."

"Thanks," Steve said, turning down Piikoi Street.

"Wait. Where are we going? You promised me pizza, beer, and Elvis."

"We're just going to stop home first so you can change. In accordance with your personal fastidiousness. Which I have a hard time treating without my natural inclination to facetiousness every time I think about it."

"Remember when you said we had to go chase the elephants? And I said you were never having sex again? That goes double, triple now," Danny warned.

"But I'm going to shower with you. Wash your hair for you. Surely that will win me extra boyfriend points," Steve said, pulling into the driveway.

"There are not enough boyfriend points in this or any other universe to make up for all the crap I've had to put up with since I met you," Danny claimed as he opened the front door. He got no further than to the other side of the door when Steve was on him like the dye on the Easter eggs.

"Let's see how many boyfriend points I can earn," Steve said, pulling Danny's damp shirt off over his head before attacking the fastenings on his pants. Once they were around Danny's sturdy thighs, Steve sunk to his knees, looking up at Danny through his eyelashes. "Want to reconsider that 'no sex' edict you issued earlier?"

"Maybe. Show me what you got, Sailor. I'll take it under advisement," Danny said to Steve's laughs.

"Aye aye, sir," Steve agreed happily.


	7. Gingham, Garrulous, Gawkers

"What are they gawking at?" Danny demanded. He and Steve had been roped into attending the annual Nuuanu Mardi Gras Street Festival. Steve had tried everything to talk the Governor out of the sort-of security assignment but Denning was firm in his resolve that Five-0 needed more community exposure. Steve disagreed but could only take his arguments so far before he had been forced to concede.

"Your gingham shirt?" Steve suggested as they wandered through the festival on the look-out for illegal activities.

"Is it my fault that Grace's first ever sewing project was a shirt for her favorite person?" Danny asked.

"No. But yellow gingham?" Steve asked. It was barely holding together, Grace's enthusiasm far exceeding her skill.

"I know," Danny sighed. "It could be worse."

"I can't imagine how," Steve said as they threaded their way through the revelers.

"Well, considering how garish some of these costumes are, I hardly stand out," Danny said.

"You do. But for the entirely wrong reasons."

"What did you expect me to do? Tell Grace no?"

"Of course not," Steve conceded, accepting even more Mardi Gras beads from bikini-clad, giggling women. Half he gave to Danny, half he looped over his own neck. "But you can't blame the gawkers for staring at you."

"Yes, yes I can," Danny said, stopping with Steve when they encountered Honolulu Mayor Kirk Caldwell, grand marshal of the parade. He was wearing a fairly subdued shirt of dark blue and white, a shirt much like one Chin might wear on a regular work day. He was festooned with a couple dozen strings of beads, still shy of the ones collected by Steve and Danny.

"Mayor," Steve said, shaking his hand.

"Mr. Caldwell," Danny said, also shaking his hand.

"Thanks for coming," the mayor said to them.

"It's our pleasure," Steve said. "Five-0 wants to support as many of these neighborhood activities as possible."

"Good," Mr. Caldwell said.

"This is quite a gathering," Danny said, looking again at the revelers, drinking, dancing, chatting. "Everyone is certainly having a great time."

"Yes," Mr. Caldwell agreed.

"We were just on our way to get some of Kamekona's shrimp. Would you like us to bring you some?" Danny offered, pointing toward the truck half a block down the way.

"No thank you," the mayor said.

"All right," Danny said, easing away. "I'm going to go ahead and order, Steve. I'll meet you there."

Steve nodded before saying good bye to the mayor and following Danny to the truck.

"Is he always so garrulous or do we bring out the talkative side of him?" Danny asked from where he was leaning against the side of Kamekona's truck.

"Thank you for leaving me with him," Steve said unhappily, giving Danny another dozen beads.

"I thought you two might have a lot to _not_ talk about," Danny said, turning to order.

"You'll pay for leaving me with him," Steve whispered into his ear.

"I can't wait," Danny said with a grin over his shoulder.


	8. Havarti, Handwritten, Hospital

"Havarti cheese does not belong on pizza," Danny decided.

"I know," Steve agreed. "It's not really even pizza. It's…I don't know what it is. A croissant with tomatoes and…what…basil?"

"I guess," Danny said, looking out of the restaurant window that supposedly had a fine view of the Arc De Triomphe. He could almost make it out through the rain coming down in torrents. "Paris is lovely in July, I've heard."

"I…yeah, I got nothing," Steve admitted. "But if we find Wo Fat, it will be worth it."

"I wish I had your confidence," Danny said, not engaging in the same argument they had had repeatedly before boarding the plane to Paris. Steve had found a mysterious handwritten note in his office, saying Wo Fat was one of the hospital patients at the Val-de-Grâce. Why he would be confined to a French Army hospital was one of the questions they had crossed two oceans to answer. Danny thought the fact that they were there on Bastille Day meant it was a huge joke but Steve would not be convinced.

"I know you think he's not really here," Steve said, sipping his lukewarm beer. "And I told you I'd come alone."

"I wasn't about to let you come by yourself," Danny said again. "There's no telling what kind of trouble you would find. You'd end up declaring war or initiating a coup."

"I'd do no such thing," Steve said. "It will be fine. We'll drive out to the hospital, ask to check their records, then we'll know."

"Immunity and means does not extend to Gay Paree," Danny reminded him.

"We won't need it. And once we're done, we'll go the Louvre and look at famous paintings. You can find a present for Grace and we'll be ready to fly home," Steve said.

"No bunny-sized elephants, right? No aliens who talk in alliterations. You've promised me."

"None," Steve said. "Although I have heard…."

"No. Absolutely not. You are **not** to finish that sentence."

Steve laughed, leaning closer to kiss him. "All right. I'm just glad you didn't bring your gingham shirt."

"You know full well it fell apart in the wash. You were there for the unfortunate aftermath."

"Yeah. It wasn't pretty," Steve agreed.

"Did you call your contact in the French Army?"

"He'll meet us there. How much French do you speak?"

"A little less than the Hawaiian I speak," Danny said.

"None then," Steve said.

"Not all of us can be multi-lingual," Danny reminded him. Steve just shrugged, looking up at the waiter when he came to inquire if they would be needing anything else. Steve ordered coffee and some pastries, mostly to annoy the man who wanted nothing to do with the _touristes Américains_. "They really do hate us, don't they?"

"Pretty much. And it is a good thing you don't speak French," he said, nodding toward their waiter who was talking quietly to another waiter. They both turned and frowned at Steve and Danny before resuming their quiet chat.


	9. Inception, Italics, Iconoclasts

"I hated this idea since its inception. _Before_ its inception," Danny told Steve.

"That's not possible. You can't hate an idea before it's thought of," Steve told him, far too calmly.

"With _most_ people, that is true, Steven. _Not_ with you. I _hated_ this plan. _Hated_ it _before_ you found that _stupid_ note that brought us across the _stupid_ oceans to this _stupid_ place," Danny ranted. He would have added pacing to his ranting but the jail cell where they were confined was barely big enough for the two of them to sit, much less pace. It was large enough for excessive hand gestures as Danny continued to yell at Steve in italics. Not everyone could hear the italics Danny used but Steve always knew they were there. "I _warned_ you immunity and means did _not_ extend to Paris. But did you _listen_? _Did you?_ _No_, you did not. And what happened when you did _not_ listen? _What happened?_ We end up getting _arrested_. In _Paris_. _France_."

"I know where we are, Danno. Calm down," Steve requested. "You are the one they are accusing of being an iconoclast. Not me."

"_Iconoclasts_. I don't even know what that _means_," Danny informed him angrily.

"_A person who attacks cherished beliefs, traditional institutions. Or a breaker or destroyer of images, especially those set up for religious veneration_," Steve said.

"I know what it _means, _Mr. Webster. I don't know what it _means_. That we were _arrested_ for it," Danny said.

"I think it has something to do with you trying to knock over the statue of the Virgin Mary in the hospital?" Steve suggested calmly.

"I did no such thing," Danny retorted. "You were about to be shot. Shot, Steven. For snooping in the hospital records. I had no intentions of harming the Virgin Mary."

"The statue is 700 years old," Steve said. "Climbing up on it is enough to destroy it."

"I did not climb on it," Danny protested. "I was….trying to get a better view of the soldiers who were about to shoot you. Next time, I'll just let them."

"Okay," Steve said, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes.

"_Okay_? You _want_ me to let them _shoot_ you? Is _that_ what you are saying?"

"I'd prefer it to you yelling at me in italics," Steve said, opening one eye to watch Danny try to stare holes through him with the force of his unhappiness. "Lieutenant Issac will be here shortly to straighten it out."

"I do _not_ yell in _italics_," Danny claimed.

"Yeah, you do. All the time," Steve told him. "We found out Wo Fat had been there. I'm sorry we were a day late. But he can't have gotten very far."

"We have no idea where he's gone."

"We don't. But Chin and Kono will find him. They may have found him already. If we still had our phones, we'd know."

"I know," Danny said, deflating. "I'm sorry."

"We'll be out soon," Steve promised.


	10. Jam, Junkies, Jive talking

"This is quite a jam you've gotten yourself into," Lieutenant Issac said when he finally arrived at the police station. That he was silently laughing at them did nothing for Danny's temper. But he knew better than to take his anger out on the Frenchman. Yelling would only delay their release that much longer. He put his hands under his thighs, determined to let Steve do all the talking.

"Not the worst place we've ended up," Steve told him. "Did you talk to the administrators of the hospital?"

"I did. They have agreed to drop the charges if you promise never to step foot on their grounds again," Issac said.

"Of course," Steve agreed.

"Very well," Issac said, turning to talk with the local authorities and assure them that the Americans would cause no further trouble.

"Is it really necessary for him to compare us to street junkies?" Danny whispered.

"I thought you didn't speak French," Steve said.

"A few words," Danny shrugged. "I know he's insulting us. Some friend he is."

Steve shrugged, smiling at the Lieutenant when he returned accompanied by the policeman who had arrested them. "We won't cause any further trouble."

"See that you don't," the policeman said as he unlocked the door to escort them out. He returned their personal effects, impatiently waiting for them to leave his office.

Steve and Danny said their goodbyes to Issac, Steve watching him walk down the sidewalk.

"Is he a good lay?" Danny asked Steve when the Lieutenant was out of ear shot.

"What? What are you talking about? I don't know what that means. What are you saying? Did you have a blow to the head? Did you fall off the statue?"

"Don't try to distract me," Danny laughed. "You are terrible at it. What is that supposed to be? Your version of jive talking?"

"It's 'distract my boyfriend' talking," Steve conceded.

"I don't care who you had sex with before I met you," Danny told him.

"How do you know I had sex with him?"

"The look on your face. It's the way you look at me when you haven't seen me for a while. Like you are starving and I'm dessert," Danny said with a laugh.

"And you aren't mad?" Steve asked, following him down the street toward their hotel.

"Why should I be? I wasn't a monk before I met you. I know you weren't either."

"I figured you'd yell at me in italics," Steve said.

"Not about that. In fact, I don't think I'm going to talk to you for the rest of the day."

"Good thing it's nearly midnight," Steve said, looping a long arm around Danny's waist and pulling him close to kiss his head. "I have better things to do with you than talk."

"Roger that. Check your phone. See if they found him."

Steve nodded, pulling it out of his pocket with his free hand. "They think he went to Australia."

"Okay," Danny sighed. "Australia it is. Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."


	11. Kool-Aid, Koalas, Kvetching

"Is there anything you need to tell me about being in Australia?" Danny asked as they took off on the second leg of their journey to Australia. They had already spent nearly 12 hours flying from Paris to Shanghai where they had to change planes. It would take another 11 hours to get to Australia. If Wo Fat wasn't there, Danny was going to hurt someone. Not Steve but _someone_ was going to pay for the hours and hours they had spent chasing Steve's arch enemy.

"I can't imagine there is anything you need to know," Steve said, trying hard to placate him and avoid any further kvetching. Danny had been surprisingly tolerant of their confinement on the planes. The fact that Steve had secured them first class seats helped. With his frequent flyer miles and his charming smile, he had secured them at a substantial discount.

"Do Koalas speak in alliterations? Are there bunny sized elephants? French Canadians to laugh at me?"

"No," Steve said soothingly. "I've never met an alien in Australia. And I've never seen tiny elephants there."

"Good. That's good," Danny said, pulling the blanket higher over them both. "I'm going to catch some sleep. I'd suggest you do as well but I know it'd be a waste of breath."

"I'll sleep," Steve promised him. He leaned closer to whisper in Danny's ear. "Or we could join the mile high club."

"Steven J. McGarrett. You did not just suggest that we have sex on this plane."

For all his supposed indignation, Steve could see Danny was intrigued by the idea of it. He waggled his eyebrows, Danny trying hard not to laugh.

"Your seduction technique needs work."

"Never had any complaints before," Steve said.

"That's because they all drank the Steve McGarrett Kool-aid, isn't it?" Danny said.

"What? I don't even know what that means," Steve claimed, turning on his goofy smile and taking Danny's brain off line.

"No, you probably don't," Danny conceded, basking in _that_ smile.

"Is that a yes?" Steve asked, reaching for the fly of Danny's jeans.

"We've been on airplanes for what feels like an entire month. I haven't showered in three days. And you want to…you know?"

"I would want to…you know… if you had been in the deepest jungle and crawled out plastered in the poop you hid in to evade the sniffer jaguars," Steve assured him.

"Now that's love," Danny said with a laugh.

"But is that a yes?" Steve asked, slowly lowering Danny's zipper under the blanket.

"Yes. Apparently I've drunk the Kool-aid as well," Danny said. "But you need to talk to me. To provide cover for any sounds I may make that I will deny knowledge of if asked."

"What should I talk about?" Steve asked as he reached his target.

Danny inhaled sharply, closing his eyes. "Koalas. Why you were in Australia. What we're going to buy for Grace while we're there."

"I can do that," Steve agreed, talking the entire time he…_you know._


	12. Lucite, Loquacious, Lovers

"A Lucite factory," Danny said, all resigned exasperation.

"That's what my contact told me," Steve confirmed as he drove the Land Rover far too fast down the dusty road.

"Why would Wo Fat be hiding in a factory that makes transparent surfaces?" Danny asked before glancing out at the scenery. It was so foreign to him but to Steve, it inexplicably seemed like home. But then who knew the secret ways of SEALs?

"I don't know," Steve said, taking the next curve like he was the lead car in a road rally. "But you can be sure he's there."

"Or he was," Danny said. "What else did your contact say?"

"Not much. He's not as loquacious as _some_ people are," Steve said, glancing over at Danny to judge his reaction.

"Loquacious," Danny repeated. "And you mocked me for _ergo_."

"I didn't know you then. And I certainly would not have guessed we'd become lovers."

"Lovers," Danny parroted.

"Are you planning to repeat everything I say?" Steve asked conversationally. But Danny could hear the underlying irritation. If they hadn't been _lovers_, he'd have never heard it. But it was absolutely there.

"That's kind of an old fashioned word, isn't it? Like we're doing something wrong by being involved. Having sex without the benefit of marriage," Danny said.

"Then marry me," Steve said.

"God but you are romantic," Danny laughed. "We are in the middle of the Australian outback, hoping to finally track down the man who managed to ruin large sections of your life and you decide this is the perfect time to propose."

"It doesn't really matter the circumstances under which I ask. You are a sure thing," Steve said, again with the goofy smile which Danny had no chance of ignoring.

"Not one minute ago you were annoyed at me," Danny pointed out. "You spend a lot of your waking hours being annoyed at me. Some of your sleeping ones too. But you just, out of the blue, propose to me."

"Did you not hear me when I said you are a sure thing? You love me. I love Grace. What's there to discuss?"

Danny sighed, knowing he was defeated. "Fine. But we have to have a real wedding. Grace will never forgive you if she doesn't get a new dress out of it."

"Of course we're going to have a wedding," Steve said. "We'll start planning it as soon as we get home. Kono and Chin have already agreed to help."

"Well. Naturally you told them before you told me," Danny sighed.

"Technically, they told me I have no choice but to marry you," Steve said.

"Nice. Those are some nice friends we have," Danny said, with a shake of his head.

"They only want the best for you," Steve told him.

"Then you don't qualify. You try to get me killed on an alarmingly regular basis."

"But I usually rescue too," Steve reminded him.

"And yours is the best blow job I've ever had."

Steve just smiled.


	13. Mounds bars – Mumbling – Masseuse

"I'm…mmm…uhmmm…blah…yeah."

Steve looked over at Danny, a world of confusion reflected on his face. "What? What are you trying to say?"

"Never mind," Danny said with a yawn, reaching over for another Mounds bar. They had been awake for just over 48 hours and Danny thought he could be excused for mumbling a little at this point. It was nearly unbearably hot in the Land Rover they were using to stake out the Lucite factory, no sign of life as far as they could tell. But Steve refused to give up, repeatedly telling Danny that Wo Fat would emerge eventually.

"Another hour then we'll go," Steve conceded. But he _knew_ they were close this time and he didn't want to miss this chance.

"I hope you have an Australian masseuse on speed dial," Danny said, shifting again. But it was no use. His muscles felt permanently cramped into the shape of the car seat. "Because I'm not sure I can walk."

"I know a better way to work out the kinks than a massage," Steve said.

"No. I am never having sex with you again. Never."

"Okay," Steve agreed, making Danny frown at him even more.

"_Okay_ he says. Like he's not the one who 2 days ago decided we were getting married. Now he's decided he doesn't care if we never have sex again."

"Just because you are never having sex again doesn't necessarily mean I'm not," Steve said, barely suppressing his laughter.

"I hate you so much," Danny said. "You can call Kono and Chin and Grace and half of Oahu and tell them I am not marrying you. Not when we get back. Not ever."

"Okay," Steve repeated, reaching over for Danny's hand and kissing his palm.

"What? What is that you're doing? I just said I hate you. I am not going to marry you. And you kiss my hand?"

"Mmm…" Steve said, sucking on Danny's fingers. "Chocolate."

"Stop," Danny said softly. "Stop doing that."

"No," Steve said. "I will get you a massage when we get back. And I will buy you the biggest steak the restaurant serves. Will you marry me then?"

"I'll take it under advisement. Acceptance is pending."

"You let me know now," Steve said with that smile which lit up his entire face. As though there was any chance Danny was really going to refuse to marry him.

"Can we please go? No one has entered or left the entire time we've been here," Danny said, hoping he sounded less whiny to Steve than he did to his own ears. "I want a shower and to sleep in a bed and eat something besides half melted candy bars."

"All right," Steve agreed, starting the engine. "I guess my contact was mistaken."

"We'll call Chin and Kono and see if they have any updates on his location," Danny said, reaching over for Steve's hand. "I'm really sorry we didn't find him."

"Me too. But this isn't over."

"I know, babe. I know."


	14. Neosporin – Necromancers – Neigh say

"Neosporin? That's the best you can do?" Danny asked. He was looking down the length of his body to where Steve was kneeling between his widespread thighs.

"I'm sorry. I forgot the lube," Steve admitted. That he was totally naked and completely hard made it a little easier for Danny to forgive him his oversight.

"I guess we packed in a hurry, huh?" Danny said, laying flat back on the bed.

"Yeah. And lube was never a part of my kit," Steve said, studying the tube. The writing was so tiny, he couldn't tell if it was an acceptable substitute.

"But it will be now, right?" Danny asked, reaching for his own neglected erection.

"No, no. That's mine," Steve said, batting away Danny's hand. "How about a blow job until we can get real lube?"

"Less talk, sailor," Danny said. The sight of Steve flushed and breathless from having Danny ready never got old. "Except it won't work out the kinks."

"We'll do that tomorrow," Steve said, leaning closer to lick across the wet tip of Danny's erection. "However you want it."

"Then we'll talk to the necromancers about finding Wo Fat?" Danny asked, gasping when Steve took the tip into his warm, wet mouth. Heaven. "More."

Steve did as requested, going further down the length of Danny, tonguing and sucking in the exact right combination to drive Danny senseless. Sometimes it even stopped him from talking. But not every time.

"_Moo_ say the cows. _Neigh_ say the horses. _Oink_ say the pigs," Danny recited breathlessly.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked when he had straightened slightly.

"Reciting one of Grace's old books so I don't come the second you are around me," Danny admitted.

Steve smiled at that, licking across the tip again. "Challenge accepted." He resumed his work, using every technique he knew were Danny's triggers. His tongue did a dance of seduction while his cheeks hollowed in determination.

"_Please_ says the Danny. _Quack_ say the ducklings. _Roar_ say the lions. _Steven_ says the Danno." Danny's fingers were buried in Steve's hair, guiding but not confining him. Steve kept up easily with the gyrations of Danny's hips, practice teaching him that the sensations translated into a dance of need. "_Steven_."

"You already did S," Steve said, easing off to lick him, his fist keeping Danny's erection occupied. "What's T?"

"_Termination_ if you don't hurry up."

Steve laughed, the puffs of air skittering across Danny's overly sensitive skin. He went back to it, Danny nearly exploding with the first touch.

"_Tut tut looks like rain_ says the Pooh. Uhhmm… no that was Christopher Robin. Ohhh… uhmmm… urrnnnnn…." Danny was panting, no words left to speak. Steve had won but Danny was also the victor.

"Winnie the Pooh? Really?" Steve asked as he swiped at his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Mood killer?" Danny laughed, pushing Steve down and taking care of his erection that had not softened in the least with the mention of the rotund bear.


	15. Opals – Onomatopoeia – Officials

"Tell me again what I told you," Steve said as he drove through the outback to where the necromancers lived. His contact assured him that if anyone could tell them where to find Wo Fat, it was the small enclave that practiced divination through communication with the dead. Danny was skeptical but if it made Steve feel better, he'd go along with it.

"Don't tell the officials since necromancy is outlawed. Don't be surprised if they start talking in onomatopoeia. Don't ask any questions that don't have to do with Wo Fat," Danny recited dutifully.

"Exactly," Steve confirmed.

"Do you have the opals?" Danny asked, watching the scenery zoom by.

"I told you I do. They aren't the best quality but they should be enough to buy us the information," Steve said.

"You really think they can find him through sorcery?" Danny asked. They were going into week three and he was ready to get home. He missed Grace and Kono and Chin and Max and even Kamekona. The Governor had called every day for the past week, asking when they were coming back. Danny didn't appreciate being the one to deal with him but Steve adamantly refused.

"If this doesn't work, we'll go home," Steve promised.

"And we are being paid even though we're away all this time?"

"I told you to stop worrying about it. Whether we get paid or not, we aren't going to go hungry. I told you that," Steve said.

"Please stop snapping at me," Danny requested quietly. They both were suffering from frayed nerves and the fact that they were down to their very last resort – asking practitioners of the ancient black arts – to find Wo Fat was only making it worse on them both.

"I'm sorry," Steve said, immediately repentant. "I know I shouldn't take it out on you."

"I understand," Danny assured him, reaching over to put his hand on top of Steve's. "Maybe this will be the break we've been searching for."

"I hope so," Steve said, sounding doubtful to his own ears. He turned down an unpaved road, coming to a halt beside a collection of brightly painted houses, cheerful flowers in window boxes adding to the riot of colors.

"This is it?" Danny asked, looking at the row of tidy houses.

"What were you expecting?" Steve asked, opening his door. "Adobe huts?"

"I don't know. Not this," Danny said with a shrug. "Do you know where your contact's friend lives?"

"It won't be hard to find her," Steve said, going in between two of the houses to enter a courtyard where there seemed to be a party in progress. All those gathered greeted Steve and Danny like old friends, inviting them to eat, drink, be at home. Danny didn't bother to ask how it was they were expected at this gathering. They were talking to necromancers after all.

"He's left," Isabella said, shaking her head. "Gone with the sunrise." She refused the opals. No good paying for bad news.


	16. Prescription ointments – Pen pals – Pant

"Wait. What? Why? Where?" Steve's eyes were huge as he looked up at Danny standing by the bed. It was an odd occurrence, that Danny would be up and ready while Steve was still abed.

"I'm going to Save-A-Lot for your prescription ointment. You know, the one the doctor prescribed after Mr. Hoppy bit you," Danny said, trying unsuccessfully to tame Steve's outraged bedhead.

"Bunny blundered by biting. Mistake made mirthfully," Steve said, frowning.

"I know he didn't mean to do it, Babe," Danny assured him. "I'm not mad at him or you. Or Grace. But I need to get your ointment or there's no telling what might happen.

"Boo boo," Steve said, holding up his finger so Danny could see the white gauze covering the angry red tooth marks.

"I know, Babe. Does it hurt?"

"Kissing commonly considered curative."

"Okay," Danny agreed, carefully kissing Steve's finger. "You stay in bed like a good boy. Grace will be up with your breakfast in a few minutes. I've told her to play charades with you if you run out of things to say."

"Pantomime particularly painful," Steve complained.

"Pretend you're a mime. I'll get you some whiteface and a stripped shirt at the drugstore," Danny teased.

"Har har har - have hearty hatred."

"No you don't. You're just cranky because you have an alien infection. I'm not the one who bit you," Danny reminded him.

"Steve's sorry," Steve sighed. "Be back before boredom beckons?"

"I'll try. But I can't get back if you don't let me leave."

"Bye bye," Steve said, watching until he had disappeared into the hallway. Fortunately it didn't take long for Grace to appear with Steve's breakfast. Danny had cooked it, leaving it to Grace to bring it upstairs. "Hello honey. Howzit?"

"I have your breakfast," Grace said, carefully placing the tray on Steve's lap. "Can I sit with you?"

"Please provide precious presence. Missed my Monkey midst much moving," Steve said, kissing her on the head.

"I'm really sorry Mr. Hoppy bit you," Grace said.

"Ehh…He harbored happy habits. Biting basically broke bunny."

"He'll be okay," Grace assured Steve. "He asked me to tell you 'Steve's super swell. Hoping he'll heal hastily.'"

"Finger fixed fast," Steve said, frowning. "Alliterations aren't always articulate."

"It's okay. I know what you mean," she assured him, reaching over for her iPad.

"What?" Steve asked, waving at it.

"I'm writing to my pen pal in Paris. She said she read about you and Danno in the paper."

"Oh. Danno didn't demonstrate discernment during destination. Did daughter discuss development?"

"I didn't tell him. I thought you already knew," she said with a shrug.

"Pen pal possibly provide pertinent Parisian paper?"

"I'll ask her," Grace agree. She typed on her iPad as Steve ate. He didn't enjoy breakfast, having a craving for bananas, butter, and baklava. At least Danny had made him plenty of bacon, something Steve generally didn't eat. "Here it is." Steve accepted her iPad, frowning forcefully at what he saw.


	17. Quartets – Quarreling – Quicksand

_Deux policiers américains ont été arrêtés pour avoir tenté de détruire l'ancienne statue de la Vierge Marie._

"Why did you and Danno try to destroy the statue?" Grace asked as she and Steve read the article from the Paris newspaper.

"Didn't destroy, damage, disturb. Misunderstanding made many mad," Steve explained.

"Were you quarreling? Mom says you two fight all the time. It's how you show you care about each other," Grace said.

"Love laces language," Steve confirmed. "Quarrelling's quite quaint. Danno doesn't demonstrate devotion directly."

"He does to me."

"Grace gets glorious glowing gushing glory," Steve said.

"Uh huh," Grace agreed absently. "Look at this article about Five 0 in _Honolulu News._ They are calling you the Quarrelsome Quartet of Quintessential Queries."

"Hmm… Some stretching seems sensible. Queries? Not necessarily noteworthy."

"They are kind of misusing words, aren't they?"

"Yes," Steve said. Keeping it short helped ease his headache. He wondered about the propriety of asking Grace to get him a pain pill but it seemed wrong somehow. And surely Danny would be back soon. Why could he think in regular language but only talk in alliterations? What sort of sense did that make?

"Uncle Steve," Grace said impatiently.

"Yes, youngster," Steve said, focusing back on her.

"Why is this article saying you are like quicksand? That's not very nice," Grace said, handing Steve her iPad so he could read it.

_Five-0 has become quicksand, sucking up the resources from other police agencies. At the same time, their quicksand has extended to the criminal elements, pulling them down along with their operations._

"Newspaper knows nothing. Governor gives generously, gauging gains gainst gross," Steve said, frowning.

"He rewards a job well done," Grace translated.

"Yes," Steve sighed.

"Do you want to play charades? Would that be easier?" she asked like the understanding angel that she was.

"Potty prior," Steve said, easing out of bed under Grace's watchful eye. "Be back briefly."

"Are you woozy?" Grace asked with a worried frown.

"Head hurts. Room remaining restful."

She nodded, watching him shuffle out the door and down the hall.

He answered the call of nature before taking a pain pill, keeping one hand firmly on the wall even though the vertigo had receded. The walls were staying still and the floor didn't seem determined to throw him down, for which he was grateful. When Mr. Hoppy first bit him, vertigo was the worst of his problems, not talking in alliterations. Now he was wondering if he'd ever be able to speak normally again.

"Napping now," he admitted when he was safe in bed. "Stay?"

She nodded, putting the tray on the dresser. "Do you want something else to eat?" she asked when she noticed that only the bacon was gone.

"Not now. Hopefully hibernation heals headache."

"I'm sorry," Grace said softly.

"Daughter didn't do damage," Steve assured her, kissing her head. "My mistake. Finger functioning fine. Talking takes toll. Danno deliver directly."

"Night-night," Grace said, watching him lay down and close his eyes.


End file.
